I will not trade pants with others.

I'm no stranger to insecurity. The genuine confidence I've built over the years isn't immune to the unpredictable plagues of self image issues. It definitely helps me deal with it in healthy ways. We all have those moments, they can spring from nowhere, the sneaky bastards. And in dealing with them, hopefully we've learned to achieve self-worth through personal success, from the inside out, and sometimes with a favorite lipstick and that pretty dress that flatters no matter what.

The way to NOT go about propping yourself up, boys and girls, is by putting other people down. This is not only rude (and we're all nice people here) but it's more damaging to you than anyone else. I give you a scenario that happened this week to a friend that bothered me more than it did her. I'll call her V because that's what I call her.

V and a girlfriend (MG for Mean Girl) were having lunch at a favorite cafe. (This place is owned by a good friend of mine, so I heard this story from two separate people besides those immediately involved.) Their waiter was a young man that had waited on them before. Both girls thought he was a good looking specimen, polite, good smile, potentially dateable. MG was trying too hard to attract his attention, flirting desperately every time waiter-boy came to their table, calling loudly to him when he wasn't. V, being less aggressive, just smiled and made occassional comments.

Seeing that he was paying more genuine attention to V, MG put on her best coy smile and said, "You like talking to her? She's so fat! And I have such a good job!"

Now, granted, MG is slimmer than V. She's also a size 0, and if I'm a member of the Tiny Titty Committee, she's the lifetime chairman. V and I are of similar build. And regardless of what size you are, what stupendous job you have (MG's isn't, I know because I fired her), putting down people is not ok. It reveals you to be rude, insecure, and inconsiderate. All quality characteristics if you enjoy failing social and personal relationships.

Waiter-boy, however, did me proud. He rolled his eyes and replied, "She's exactly the way I like them." Now isn't that bring-home-to-mum material?

And on a side note, check out Kohl's Cares for Kids' merchandise for this season. An easy, cute, cheap, and fuzzily comforting way to help the children. (The children!)

I will not hang donuts on my person.

Woah-ness. Update.

Lots going on lately. Mostly stressful.

Things that aren't stressful: SHOES.

On the hunt for a tall winter boot. TALLLLL.

nine west . bakers shoes . aldo shoes

Also want a pair of nude heels.

I'm trying to con Vegas into believing that

autumn is coming by pulling out the scarves.

Actually, I was just running late this morning.

White tee, black pants, colorful accessory.

Easy peasy.

Classy.

Headphones get me through the day.

Music, movies, hulu.

Poster behind me is by Shigeo Fukuda.

See, such a happy color.

shirt + scarf: H&M . pants: don't remember

earrings (they look like butterflies): Target clearance rack

Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie.

Lately my updates have been both sparse and sad. I apologize, and offer the working-too-hard excuse. I really am though, I'm starting my own business! Two, actually. But one is moving faster than the other. Between the meetings, the emails, talking to the bank, more meetings, and the full-time job I still have, I've been thinking about loving change, passion for one's work, and the importance of self-confidence. So really, bathroom trips or while I stuff cereal into my mouth is all the time I have for thinking.

As evidenced in this blog, I'm not a fashion trendsetter by any means. My childhood was sheltered, my parents meager earnings going to my private school education and uniforms. Jewish private school, by the way. There was no option to carry a cooler bag, wear stylish shoes, apply make up, or accessorize. We were carefully monitored with daily inspections and DO NOT DO lists.

I'm ok with it all, I knew no different. My clothes on the weekends were hand me downs or made by my grandma. I probably looked like a village idiot, but childhood bliss and hours of homework, piano practice, gymnastics and sports kept me from noticing. I found other forms of expression, my personality coming out in writing, art, a twisted sense of humor, and age-appropriate cynicism.

I went to a public high school, famously located in a gang-warfare zone. Being focused, cheerful, and naive, I noticed nothing. All high schools have a police station in the cafeteria and regular shootings, right? Ok then.

I majored in Math and Science along with all the other asians, and some non-asians. Not surprisingly, all my friends are now doctors, lawyers, accountants, and engineers. Optometrists, pediatricians, patent law, criminal law, auditors, Department of Defense contractors...they're a bright bunch.

I, on the other hand, bucked stereotype and tradition, diving head-first into art and design. Well first it was graphic design, then art history, then geology, then graphic design again. Boy, was everybody surprised. And boy, was my family mad. But being stubborn and headstrong with the idea that I could achieve my dreams through sheer smiles and will-power, I held firm. They still think of my career as Karen's Little Experiment, but they've tried to support my odd photoshoots, attend my shows, and ask how my plans are going.

It gets a little lonely in my own pool; my friends can't relate, our schedules are all out of whack. Their world is more definite and less conceptual than mine, they seem slightly scared of asking the wrong question. But it's certainly more happy than lonely over here. It's all paid off, whether these businesses succeed quickly or slowly but steadily. I've heard all the warnings about the recession, about foolhardy decisions, about trying to achieve too much when I have the option of boring stability.

One day I'll want to settle down and be happily boring and safe, with a few dogs at my feet while I sip tea and embarrass my grandchildren from my rocking chair on the porch. It'll be a well-deserved cup of tea.

Risk-taking is good fun. We should all engage wholeheartedly.

i got the world in my hand / and i ain't finna let it go

Pics from my iPhone. (New. Free!)

This is my plant, Theodore.

This is my robot.

He sharpens my pencils...

...which winds him up to march across my desk.

Today's outfit,

I'll try to get more pics later.

top: H&M . blazer: thrifted . necklace: Hong Kong temple

"The time has come," the Walrus said, "to talk of many things..."

I'm looking for birthday gifts for my new boy. We haven't been together long, so no need for anything sentimental yet. I'm going the t-shirt direction.

He likes graphic tees, but the more subtle ones. Lately I've experienced design overload and slight nausea when I look at recent lines.

So help me out. Where can I get similar tees?

No v-necks, no massive logo whoring, no Jesus crosses used as design elements. No bling, no skulls, no Ed Hardy.

Subtle color schemes.

Not really into the hawk here,

but the balance is happy.

Nice layering of elements, but not

looking for religious references.

Pretty good example.

Call Me Delish-Mael

I always forget to take pictures when I'm in play mode. Here's what I did manage to snap.

The Colossus is still my favorite.

I chased after these poor pigs,

they were going off shift.

I put on sandals later when I realized that

I was going to lose a flip flop on a ride.

skirt (worn as dress): thrifted . belt: F21 . flips: Old Navy

Took a bunch of dappled sunlight

type pictures while waiting in line.

Between people watching, of course.

Who doesn't love people watching?

Santa Monica, 9 am.

The grass is so bright because it's fake.

Sunglasses from Calvin Klein (via Marshalls)

When the boy was holding the camera,

I kept telling him to watch his composition.

He had no idea what I meant.

He didn't do too poorly.

Looking over the hotel's breakfast balcony.

Yes, that's the ocean.

My money maker.

And why not?

That skirt looks SHORT.

I promise it was longer when I was standing around.

Also I had a swim bottoms on under it.

Yowza.

top: Seattle boutique . skirt: H&M . flips: Old Navy

I don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano

Some days I'm up and cheerful and almost alarmingly awake. No caffeine, just me, me, and more me. Everyone suffers.

Other days I can feel the bags growing saggier under my eyes by the hour. I get so drowsy during the day I run the risk of impaling my eye on my pen when my head starts bobbing. Everyone suffers.

I do the same things every morning.

- get up

- shower (hot, cleansing, with a sugar scrub)

- take my vitamins

- put on sunscreen

- get dressed, find the right shoes

- scowl at my stubborn hair

- make coffee if I want it

- pull the dog off chosen shoes

- find my iPod, sunglasses, keys

- check my tires, drive too fast to work

I try to make healthy choices.

- tennis 5 times a week

- hike/bike/play football on the weekends

- eat well

- drink water

- have plenty of sex

- rollerblade with the dog (she's faster)

- get my adrenaline pumping on motorcycles

- scream down roller coasters

- sleep at least 6-7 hours on weeknights

- no smoking, only social drinking

So why do I get so tired a few times a week? It's starting to piss me off. Any ideas?